I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
