As long as you're not dating white guys again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
