9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
