Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
