Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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