my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
