you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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