A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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