loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
