I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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