apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
did you just send me my own nude
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Come on in and take your pants off
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
