I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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