I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
