fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
