and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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