i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
