so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
