Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
