hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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