he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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