And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
