listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
