hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
