dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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