I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He called his prostate his "boner button".
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
