You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
