So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
