Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
