What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
