is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
