Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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