Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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