you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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