false alarm. still invincible.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
