and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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