I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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