what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
