Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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