totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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