i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
