It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
