Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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