Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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