she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
