Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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