I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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