It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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