I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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