If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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