ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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