We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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