Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
