In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We need to get me chipped asap
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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