Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
