Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
