i permit you to call me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
